||[Aug. 13th, 2012|09:15 pm]
My heart hurts, like I'm in love with a ghost, like I'm the one long-lost, dearly departed. In this troubled time of being caught underwater, chipping away at the ice. Guess that coma wore off and now I've gotta hold my breath. I miss you, chance encounters, on the open road, across the impossible span of the internet, the ones so hard to find now. I was catatonic for so many years, now I'm here, wide open and terrified, but hopeful. Sending signals through the static, my telescopes trained to the endless night sky. Messages of love and sorrow rolled into one, hard pills to swallow, but I'm looking for someone. How long before I shatter the ceiling and thrust myself into a new life? I want to be kissed. I want to be found. I want to be understood. I want to be beautiful. I want the little things, but my mind's still full of scenes from dreams, my heart is still wrapped up in visions of the grass against the wood fence, the old piano, the cold black sorrow that tries to devour, the love that bursts out of the solar plexus and gives us flight above it, the wild sea, the shaking trees. I am in love with illusions. I am tortured by thieving spirits. I want to love, to love, to love. I want to find shelter at the end of the world. I want to know it's okay. I want to feel breath on my skin, I want nothing ordinary. I work to survive, but I'm biding my time. I can't wait much longer. Haunted by recurring dreams but they can't fool me. I can barely breathe in moments like these. I want so much to give this love away. This love from outer space. I need to feel you, I need you to see. I will wash up on the shore and wait, naked and wild-eyed, for some sign of your grace.